you turned your livingroom into a bong?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
