Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
