I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
