This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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