Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
