So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
