I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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