Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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