As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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