She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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