god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
