The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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