I cannot find my penis.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
