After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
