I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
