He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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