conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
