I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
