he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
