Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
