when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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