I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You pole danced in your parka.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
