How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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