3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
