We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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