why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
