I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
