If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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