And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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