Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
