Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
