somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
