she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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