Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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