Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
