I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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