We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
