is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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