Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
