Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
