Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
