What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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