Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
