I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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