I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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