I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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