Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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