new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
