Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
