He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
